When Kindness Seems Unkind.
Last week I published a podcast “When Kindness Seems Unkind” so let’s talk about what that could look like.
In business & in life, sometimes you have to make tough decisions or have difficult conversations. This is never easy. When you are in a leadership position in a company, the stakes can be high.
When you are dealing with a close relationship with someone you love, the stakes can be even higher.
No matter what the circumstance is, when you know a change needs to happen, you must find the courage to communicate the truth. You may hold back because it’s awkward, you don’t want to hurt anyone, or you’re worried about what others are going to think.
However, if you choose to ignore the situation, the consequences will likely be worse than any other concerns you have. When I was the executive director of a small company, I had a team member who was
not developing her skills very well. I spent an enormous amount of extra time training her, modeling what was required for her, and meeting with her to discuss what else could be done to improve the situation.
Things did not change. I probably should have fired her or found a position more appropriate for her skill set. But I chickened out. I didn’t want to be unkind. So, she continued to work there, and her incompetence cost us financially; our customers were not served as well, and other team members struggled to appreciate her and engage with her.
This was not kind of me, actually.
Kindness can seem unkind on the surface or feel like that in the moment, but deep down, you are doing yourself, your team, your customers, and everyone involved a greater service when you can make the tough decision, be honest, and let someone go, giving them the chance to find a life and work that aligns better for them. (And this
is just one type of professional situation where this applies.)
This applies in your personal lives as well.
How’s your marriage?
Got any concerns with your adult kids you aren’t dealing with?
Does one of your friends need an honest talking to about how they are not showing up for you?
Oftentimes, people hesitate to express what they are really thinking or ask for what they need, so they won’t “rock the boat” in the relationship, but this is how resentments can begin to build up, and greater damage can develop.
Being honest in a respectful way with loving, positive intention at home or at work is always kind, even when the recipient does not appreciate or understand where you are coming from.
I challenge you to think about every aspect of your life, personally and professionally and notice what realities you might be avoiding and what conversations need to happen. Get crystal clear about what you want and need, and be willing to take action.
Being your real self in any role or relationship is the kindest way you can show up.
Authenticity really is the best currency of all.
I encourage you if you haven't listened to the episode, to click below to listen.